THE ORA… THE ORA…

27 Feb

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Ten international galleries want you, like a vampire bat wants sleeping cattle. Premio Ora (“Premium Hours”) says that the “basic registration fee required as partial coverage for organizational expenses” is €60 to enter three art works for consideration. Poor things, only covering their organisational expenses partially. Each additional image after the first three is only €5 and luckily for them you, it’s possible to enter an unlimited number of works.

Yes, it’s another sketchy “opportunity” for artists to enter a competition where they pay for the remote opportunity of possibly getting an unpaid gallery show, i.e. something that an artist should usually be paid for, or at the very least should not have to pay for in order to be considered. I’m providing links here for the purpose of verification; I wouldn’t suggest visiting any of them unless you want to know which international galleries are involved in this farrago and I would therefore recommend in the strongest possible terms that you don’t ever have any dealings with whatsoever.

A bona fide artist who is having an exhibition at an art gallery is not a “winner” and does not pay all the costs of transporting and exhibiting their work. Any artist who does so is a customer, and they should have their service– i.e. in this case their work shown in the gallery for two weeks– provided to them without quibbles and without all this pretence of meritocratic selection or curatorial oversight.

You know what, fuck it, here’s the list of galleries to save you the trouble and distress of having to look: Red Stamp Gallery, Amsterdam; Galeria Ada, Barcelona; Laconia Gallery, Boston; Aerosol Gallery, Buenos Aires (must… resist… temptation… to type… Arsehole); Red Elation Gallery, Hong Kong; Ego Gallery, Lugano; Remp’art Gallery, Marrakesh; OIOIOI [sic] Gallery, Moscow; Weldon Arts, New York; Galleria Monteoliveto, Nice. That means they’re in the French city of that name, not that I think they’re nice. This shower are the so-called “jury” who will have the audacity to decide whether your €60+ has bought you an unpaid fortnight long exhibition in their poxy gallery that nobody ever heard of. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

The site also seems to promise some kind of online portfolio, but the only three I could find– leading me to desperately hope that only three people have been stupid enough to enter, though I doubt it– seem to have been deliberately put in the sidebar as bait. There’s no sign on the PO site of any infrastructure to support portfolios on a large scale. Two of the available profiles are in Italian and may well be of interest to Italian-speaking fans of bad Italian, but I can vouch for the fact that the one (ostensibly) in English is bloody hilarious:

“When you behold the work of PEter dePELchin, it seems as if you’re entering a whole new reality. A new reality containing a symbiosis of art history and topicality. For five years, PEter dePELchin has been working on a consistent oeuvre that on the one hand tenderly pounds into the subconscious of the spectator and on the other hand takes a detailed look at the collective archetypes. He accomplishes a universal imagery that draws from the past and reflects on the present. This base is a breeding ground for challenges and questions that will provoke the artist for the rest of his life.”

Thanks, PEter, for pounding us so tenderly. I don’t think artist statements use the vocabulary of gay porn sites often enough, so well done for bringing these hitherto disparate worlds together and making us feel like we’re hooking up on Grindr or something. We do not merely see PEter’s work, we BEHOLD it. Then he pounds us. The rAndom capiTalIsaTion of his own name is also excellent. Are we meant to think of his pee-pee? Or of Pepé Le Pew, the French skunk sex pest from the Looney Tunes cartoons?

PS: I was curious about where this fine international art organisation might be based, and I thought you might like to know as well. According to Google street view the address given on their site is about 40km from Venice in San Donà di Piave; it can only be a small residential block– the most likely candidate– or an ordinary suburban house, a music school, or “Studio 3A” which has nothing to do with art because it’s the office of Infortunistica stradale (“highway accidents”), apparently a legal company specialising in “road damage and accidents.” One assumes they mean legal services pertaining to road damage and accidents, and I’m sure this is the case, although this being Italy it would not be at all surprising if such a description was in fact a veiled threat. Make what you will of this information.

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One Response to “THE ORA… THE ORA…”

  1. Alistair 04/03/2013 at 11:19 AM #

    Reblogged this on Alistair Gentry.

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