I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the word “artist” has been so repeatedly gangbanged in recent years and its openings are so stretched out that it can accommodate almost anyone or anything now… and therefore it means almost nothing. A friend (who actually is an artist of the increasingly rare kind who makes art) recently received an email from a job mailing list, featuring this astounding opportunity for an artist:
Sandwich Artist Subway – Subway is now hiring for full and part time Sandwich Artists. Duties will include: Prep, making sandwich and customer service. We provide uniforms. No experience required… Salary is based on experience, we have great opportunities for advancement! Positions available immediately.
Yes, the word “artist” can now accomodate six inches of bread, generic processed mystery meats and your choice of salad. Or you can try a foot long, if you’re really a sad old size queen. What, you thought I was going to write about Subway without six inches or twelve innuendo? I bear no animosity whatsoever towards the people who do this job, but serving food can be a horrible, demoralising occupation. I don’t see why the poor bastards have to be lumbered with being “artists”, too. It’s worse than somebody who makes coffee in Starbucks being called a barista.
You may assume this is just some overzealous David Brent-alike local manager being a pretentious twat, but “Sandwich Artist” is actually the franchise company’s (trademarked, as if anybody would want to steal it) official terminology for the people who make sandwiches in their shops. So it’s Subway brand owners Doctor’s Associates who are being pretentious twats at the corporate level. I like the way Wikipedia notes, deadpan, that “Doctor’s Associates is not affiliated with, nor endorsed by, any medical organization.” Imagine my surprise.
Sandwich Artists™ have a positive outlook, thrive in a busy work environment and are keen to learn the art of great sandwich making. You will work well as part of a team, making delicious sandwiches to customer requirements. You will be responsible for serving customers, following health and safety procedures, and keeping the store clean.
So in future, when you want to experience art don’t bother with stupid old art galleries. The real artists are team players who are keen to learn the art of great sandwich making.