ARTBOLLOCKS THEATRE: ABRAMOVIĆ STALKER SPECIAL

16 Jun
Abramovic

“Hi, it’s Marina. Did the restraining order come through yet? Because I REALLY need it.”

HE’S NOT A REVIEWER, HE’S A VERY NAUGHTY BOY

Last week super creep (and scary monster) Adrian Searle– AKA The Guardian‘s art critic– burdened us with way too much information about his mental landscape in what was ostensibly a review of Marina Abramović’s summer residency at the Serpentine Gallery in London. He goes directly from thinking about his mother’s breast to Abramović. The face is up here, pal. He reminisces fondly about being manhandled by her on a previous occasion. He threatens to return again and again. He compares it to a prayer meeting, then in the same paragraph fantasises about her being a dominatrix and giving him a knee trembler outside because he’s deliberately been a “naughty boy”. On this evidence I advise you not to invite Adrian into your church, mosque or synagogue. He actually uses the term “Abramović stalkers”. It takes one to know one? Then he has another fantasy about Abramović being the late Pina Bausch, hopefully while she was still alive at least.

In short, just by touching his hand once the artist seems to have dredged up some very mucky psychosexual stuff from the Searle id. As I previously mentioned on Twitter, after reading it I felt dirty and I wanted to wash my eyeballs because it seemed pretty clear the Abramović experience was going into Searle’s wank bank. So I thought it was worthy of an Artbollocks Theatre Abramović Stalker Special, and with all due modesty I think it’s also my most BAFTA-worthy performance yet.

(IT SCROLLS DOWN THE PAGE TO SEE THE VIDEO, OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN.)

It’s not an impersonation of Searle because that would be boring. It’s my dramatic interpretation of the (sub)text because I’m an artist, darling. Not that there’s much sub here unless it’s in the BDSM sense; all the stuff that should be subtext is basically just text.

Incidentally, why do female artists still have to put up with this shit? I think Abramović is a ridiculous individual and nothing she’s done in the past thirty years has been in any way cogent or necessary. According to more than one informant, her attitude towards junior artists is exploitative and appalling. This particular work of hers sounds like a mediocre first year undergraduate drama intro for the least capable students, and indeed Searle is very close to saying so when he manages to stop drooling for a few seconds. Some people obviously really rate her, but that’s their problem.

Prerogative, I mean. It’s their prerogative.

All that said, for the purposes of what I’m about to write it doesn’t really matter what you think of her or of her work, not least because her work doesn’t matter any more and she’s just spinning her wheels as the world’s top Marina Abramović impersonator; but she’s appearing in public in a professional context and a male critic wouldn’t think it was acceptable or relevant to publicly demean an artist with his pervy fantasies in a national newspaper if the artist was a man.

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2 Responses to “ARTBOLLOCKS THEATRE: ABRAMOVIĆ STALKER SPECIAL”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. WHEN CRITICS ATTACK | CAREER SUICIDE - 30/03/2015

    […] isn’t an important contemporary artist, e.g. Tilda Swinton, Lady Gaga and, unsurprisingly, Marina Abramović… although Maz is allegedly furious with him for messing up one of her performances by […]

  2. TOP TEN THINGS TO SEE AT THE VENICE BIENNALE 2015 | CAREER SUICIDE - 05/05/2015

    […] to see Marina and Klaus here, and of course Lady herself. Probably wearing odd socks gaffer-taped over her […]

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